Hobby Horses

There are some times in my life when my identities as a teacher, parent, performer and social drinker all clash together in a chain of embarassing events that I wish I hadn't remembered the next morning. Such events happened to me last Saturday at my school's annual fundraising event, which is a silent auction and wine tasting extravaganza.

Everyone gets really dressed up for this function because we have nothing better to dress up for in our tiny town, (some men even wear tuxedos) drinks wine and auctions on whatever we have beaten out of our local shop owners, massage therapists and restauanteurs. By the end of the night, we close the auction, hoping the generous pours of the people running the tasting booths have inspired reckless spending on the part of our guests. I go to this event every year and generally keep a very tight leash on myself because I'm dealing with fellow teachers, parents from my daughter's class, administrators and past and future parents of my students. However, this time, my husband was being pissy and decided not to go at the last minute, so I offered to pour wine at one of the booths. Big mistake.

The champagne at my particular booth was discovered early and generally only shared amongst those of us at the booth. I don't remember a lot of details, but from what I can piece together, at various points, I was extremely chatty with many different people, talking to one parent in particular about how I loved her blousy hairstyle, and generally overdoing it. I remember my friend on several occasions telling me I was yelling and kind of slurring words together. I have to put in here though that everyone was a little tipsy so I think many conversations got animated and a little slurry... I remember dancing by myself, with a circle of people watching me, I remember hugging lots of people, not recognizing people I have associated with before on our school board, and making fun of a giant tarantula under glass which was one of the items to be bid on. The cake topper, however, came at the end of the evening when I saw the giant hobby horse.

The horse was handcrafted out of wood and stood about seven feet tall. It was exactly like a child's hobby horse, complete with rocking chair style legs and everything. Its mane and tail were made of silky white rope, and there was a saddle on it. When I saw it in the lobby, I immediately wanted to hop on. Apparently it was an auction item that didn't sell and was awaiting its creator (one of our parents at the school) to take it home. I couldn't believe I had missed it before. I immediately started talking to the fourth grade teacher about the horse, asking her if she dared me to ride it. She did. I asked if she double dog dared me to ride it (because anyone can be forgiven if they are acting on a double dog dare). She did. I got to work putting my foot in the stirrup and making jokes. Once in the saddle, I began to "entertain" the small crowd of onlookers. I whipped the horse with the reins and at one point put up the rocker style devil horns to the delight of the people below who cheered in response. My friend walked in (the one who told me I was yelling earlier) and immediately told me to dismount as I was making an ass of myself. I did, and escaped to another room to get some coffee and distance.

Upon returning to school on Monday, some parents (blousy hair) are not really interacting with me anymore. Others are more friendly, probably because some unknown myth they created about me has been dispelled. I don't know, but I guess that's what happens when you mix wine, certain teachers and novelty items. I'm trying not to worry about it, telling myself that its not like I drink at school, or even during the week at all, and when you teach seventh and eighth graders for a living, you do tend to lose it a bit and need to cut loose anyway. It is time for me to go back into my "cage" though, so I will chill out and be completely subdued when next year's event rolls around.